【MMV】All You Wanted

Never make yourself change for others =)
One day, there'll be someone who will like you for YOU!

Enjoy Your Life ;)

I was waiting for this moment, after school's event! Woohoo! 6th Form Society + Kelab Setia + Kelab Rukun Negara Installation 2010 ;)
After school, we went to U6A, awaiting series of performances to start. Okay, before performance, there's several speeches. Yawns... After speeches, there's souvenir-giving ceremony from juniors to seniors, and also from new committees to old committees. Here we go... performances from juniors! First, there's performance from L6A. I liked this so much >.< Because they used Korean pop songs! Such as Girls' Generation and Brown Eyed Girls. Okay, mainly most of the songs are from Girls' Generation. Hahas! Woo... I loved how Hee Xiang performed his solo dance, so sexy and daring! I think Mr. Samuel was kinda freaked out based on his face expression. Lol! Nice one, Hee Xiang. ;) The next performance was a collaboration from L6B and L6F, Bad Romance dance. Sad to say that the dance ain't eye-catching enough compared to the first one. >.< After performances, it's time for Form6 family photo-taking session! Hehe :)


The top one is my brother's old key chain given by his Form6 classmates, the bottom one is mine =) What a coincidence, having same key chain design during our Form6 life! ^^

Messages on the back part of key chains =) (My brother is from SMK La Salle, so don't be curious why his class is U6E. Tee-hee =D )

Alright, enough of those, time for LUNCH!!! I'm already trembling on my feet because too hungry and it's already 2.30PM! Rawr! Ooooh, I love food! Fried rice with french fries~ Sweet potato pastry and some processed meat~ Lastly, there's small buns for dessert :) At first, there's 2 buns for each people. End up, 1 each because the buns are getting lesser and lesser. BUT, I GOT 3 BUNS ON MY PLATE! Because as I said, at first they give 2 buns, the extra 1 bun is Wilson gave me. He didn't saw I already had 2 buns on my plate -.- but also "paiseh" to grab it back. Muahahas =P
After lunch, I went back to class with Jowynia and the rest. Cracking jokes and taking some funny picture shots. x)


Jowynia shows her struts with Chinese fan =P

Jowynia showing her 'fragrant' armpit. LOL actually is holding that fan! xD

Jun Hong trying to write chinese words: 巴士色魔. End up he wrote: 巴士色摸. LOL! He's pointing at me for secretly snapping pics on him xP Don't worry lah, I'm good at snapping pics, this one can't even see your face LOL!

While Jowynia and me walking out school compound, we saw Wilson and his friends walking in with few boxes of Domino Pizza! Argh! Jowynia snatched away one box of Onion Rings and off we go. Lol! They were okay with it. Of course! We're seniors! xD I took one piece of onion ring from Jowynia before went up to my dad's car. Yummy =P
Sigh, no chance to chat with Wilson at all =( Because he's too busy serving us seniors and the rest. What a hard work~ Good luck in your upcoming performance with the PMO concert! And thanks for the extra bun =P I know it's not on purpose haha!

Feels Like Being So Loved

At School

Aww... I loved my classmates (not all) so much, they cared for me as usual. I asked for their advice and they give me advice and support. And even smack my butt... Haha =.= Hmmm... It's hard to make decisions when it comes to make choices. I don't want to say but keeping it to myself is enough.

Should I? Or shouldn't?

At Internet

I was kinda bored until saw Brian online. Then, I had a chat with him. Kinda crappy long chat. At least, there's a listener for me! I love people listen to my stories =P At first, it was kinda emotional and some sort of anger. Later on, I laughed like one's hell... THIS BRIAN IS TOTALLY GOOD AT USING WORDS TO COMMENT ON ONE'S FACE AND EVENTUALLY MADE ME LAUGHED LIKE SHYT! Hahaha! It's someone that we know but not our friend :) Lol! Someone's gonna pissed off if I write out =x

A friend is a good listener all the time

Sadly, having flu currently. Someone from my class spread the virus to me! Rawr! And my not-so-smart-but-used-to-think-he's-smart dad bought FRIED RICE for dinner. Oh my God, now my throat is irritated. One word, DAMN! >:(
Fell in love with "Always" again~ ;)

Happy-go-lucky soul

Missy Messy

Today is kinda early for school! I rushed to the bus stop and luckily there's a bus! Whoa, that bus was from Subang, that's why I'm seeing a lot of students from my school, mostly guys. Haha... =.= Actually, I didn't wake up at all after alarm rang, my dad called me and I couldn't even hear my phone ringing... He called my grandma to wake me up, that's why I manage to be early to school... If late again, I guess, I rather not going to school. Besides, I also forget to take my bread to school, my first time forget about food! Oh my gosh, wonder what has gotten into me.
After school, there's traditional costume competition held for Merdeka event. I decided to stay back after school to watch this spectacular performance. End up... damn it... you guys come show off costume or performing dances?! My class holds the best performance! Because there's dancing and short sketch. Awesome and eye-catching! Guess what? I became Jowynia's helper but she calls me manager. Haha... It's okay, once in a life time though, since it's our last year in school. So, I left school at 4.30PM, reached home at 5.00PM.
I felt like wanna SMS him... But I'm afraid he might just ignore it without a reply for me. You know, it's kinda frustrating when you ask something and they don't want to reply. Suddenly, Edward MSN me and inform me that tomorrow there's a skill balance patch. So I thought, this will be a good opportunity for me to SMS him. As I had expected... yea... after asking about maple stuffs, straight no more replies from him anymore... I'd thought maybe we can chat a little longer, but it somehow cannot be dream-come-true for me. Sigh... No one is perfect, I know sometimes I make mistakes pissing him off. Since there's no perfection in this world, why not just forgive and forget? At least I will try my best to change myself not to repeat same mistakes... It's okay, I know I always screw up situations, it can't be helped, not as if I wanted it to be like this. =/

Heartbroken soul

Freaked Up Day

Actually I wanted to use F***ed Up Day for the title. But I think better not, because it's kinda inappropriate to use such word.

Firstly, LATE FOR SCHOOL!

This morning was raining and my dad worried that I might be in an accident taking bus. I don't know what the hell he's thinking. Zzz... So, he asked my grandfather to fetch me along to school. Why late? Because my grandmother woke up late AND she usually wakes up earlier than me! I was about 10 minutes late for assembly, being noted down name by prefects. After 15 minutes or so, the prefects requested to check my bag!!! I was like, "What the?". I just give my bag to them, waiting to let them find out my hand phone. The prefect was kinda freaked out, because she found TWO hand phones inside my bag. LOL! Those prefects around also busybody and curious why a student brings TWO hand phones. Don't ask me, I just like to bring TWO hand phones. I removed out my sim cards and surrender my phones to discipline teacher. After assembly, time to confront discipline teacher... Lucky me, the discipline teacher in charge of my case was Pn.Joyce and she taught me before during Form4 and Form5, and I was her helper in that subject. So, yeah, I sobbed a little as I explained why I bring hand phones to school. Firstly, convenience for my dad to contact me. Secondly, my mom is no more around here... So, I needed a phone. From Pn.Joyce's eyes, I know, she wanted to give it back because I'm not those disciplinary problem student, but my school is kinda strict, she had no choice but to follow school rules. I totally understand that. According to school rules, I had to be punished to stand outside discipline room for 35 minutes, she excused me from that punishment. That's the most she can help me, I totally appreciate it.

Secondly, there's sad news in class...

After settle discipline stuffs, I walked back to class. Of course, lessons have already started... Then, Hui En whispered to me about one of our classmate's father had just passed away yesterday morning. I thought I heard wrongly, I said " What?!" and asked her to repeat again. So, Hui En busy around collecting money to give to our classmate's family when visit him. I'm not following because it's at IPOH! It's so far. Only 5 of our classmates are going, one of them driving, of course.

Last but not least, I get scolding from him.

After school dismissed, I saw my phone got 2 miss calls and 1 SMS from him. So, I replied him and he called back. First question from him was, what's up with my blog, why am I writing like this. Maybe what I wrote was kinda too much, I guess so. Okay, firstly, I'm SO SORRY. My fault for writing such accusing words to you. Secondly, since what I wrote on my blog is wrong about you, should explain properly instead of scolding me straight to face. I hope you understand that scolding makes things uglier, it's not a solution to anything. Thirdly, you told me to think myself about it before hanging up the phone. Yes, I had think about it. Once again, I apologize for typing such accusing words at you. I'm letting my ego down because I care about this relationship. Oh, and I wanna add on, just ignore the tagging issue, I'm not angry because you didn't tag me, it's something else.

Unfortunate soul

Freaked Out...

I was not convinced at all about him going overseas for an English Debate Competition... I think he might be still in Malaysia, OR maybe really at overseas but not because of competition... So, I felt like finding ways to check it out. Asking help from friends are kinda hard though =/ It's okay... I understand totally. Who wants to do donkey job, huh? With no rewards. When I was in a midst of thinking ways to find out the truth, my phone rang. I thought it could be my dad calling me. Guess what? It's him! I just can't believe my eyes on what I had saw on my phone... I answered the phone, trying to make myself calm down. He asked me, am I finding him, because I left a message at his Facebook chat this morning. I said... it was nothing. Actually there's a lot of things... Haha =/ But I just think that it's not the right time to ask now, on a phone. This kind of misunderstandings or problems should be asked face-to-face, it's useless to talk about it on a phone conversation because I couldn't see his facial expression. There's a couple of questions in my mind right now...
1)Is he really in a debate competition at Indonesia?
2)Why does a school teacher agree to let 1 boy and 1 girl to be in a same room? This teacher is a failure!
3)What he's busy about on the 1st night at Indonesia(don't know true or not) until never online at all whole night... Maybe "busy" dealing with An Qi...
I've been waiting whole night to see whether will he online or not... until 2AM. I hate myself again... Why am I so stupid torturing myself like this for him... I know, I know... It's not worth a penny to do like this but... I just don't know why I want to wait for him.
Few days ago, I did asked him to come out for next weekend. He sounded like not interested at all... It's okay... I've decided on 1 thing, if he comes out, I'll take chances to ask about the debate thing. If he doesn't want to come out, that's it, I give up totally. So, I'm putting myself on a bet again. God Bless Me.

Tortured Soul

I Hate...

First and foremost, I hate people avoiding from answering my questions.

Actually, I was not aware about it. Suddenly, I was aware about something. I was curious, why aren't he tagging me in his note post and youtube video via Facebook. I wanted to ask, so I asked him in a joking manner. Not even 30 seconds has passed, he straight away gave me a reply that he has to go out for dinner and asked me to give a try on SMS-ing him because he's at overseas. Poof! He's gone from Facebook. What do you think/feel if you are me? Obviously he's avoiding that question, right? I'm totally, absolutely, completely PISSED OFF! It's not that I'm sensitive or what, it's about mannerism. Escaping from a question without a proper reason. What a joke. In addition, it's useless for me to tell him WHAT I feel or HOW I feel, as he said before to me on phone many times, he doesn't care/concern about anything, he only care about himself. So, I'll just keep this to myself. I don't know and don't care who will read this, I'm just too mad about this issue, that's why I'm writing it out to release my anger.

Secondly and lastly, I just hate myself.

I hate myself so much for now. Why am I so kind? Why am I so easily influenced by others? What the heck... It doesn't pay off being kind to others. I don't get any benefit, I don't get any token of appreciation from anyone for being kind. I JUST HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO KIND TO ANYONE ALTHOUGH THEY TREAT ME BAD! I wish I was dead last Tuesday. It's okay, even if I don't die now, I'll die sooner or later. Can anyone just appreciate for what I've done for them? Instead of making use of me... I'm not your puppet for manipulation, I'm not an item, I'm a HUMAN, with FEELINGS! So tired of my life... Yawns...

Humans doesn't know how to appreciate until they realize the importance of that particular person, by the time they realize about it, it's too late to beg them back.

Unexplainable Feelings

I had just realized that I've lost the so-obsessed-of-him feelings. Is it good? Or bad? I guess there's both good and bad though. Good side is, I won't be wasting so much time on thinking too much about his thoughts and acts. Last time I was like too obsessed about him, want to know what he's doing all the time. That's merely CRAZY! Haha >.< Okay, the bad side is, it might be a sign of losing feelings for him... Hmmm, just MIGHT BE only, time will prove everything.
Today he logged in his old FaceBook account, it has been a long time I never seen this account logged in ever since the day he said he's mad at me... Then, we chat a little via FaceBook chat. We managed to chat along because of his own personal problems at school, he shared it with me. In the corner of my mind, I was thinking, "This sissy guy that caused problems to him at school, has made us talked a little bit more than now." I'm not saying that it's a good thing, as he's kinda messed up in school, just that somehow has brought us a lil' closer? Perhaps. I just felt a little bit happiness in me, seeing his old account logged in, at least my FaceBook relationship status is still valid, not 'In A Relationship' with an account user that is not using anymore, just like maple, married to a character which has a quit user... (Gives out a BIG sigh.)

Sighs more...

Complicated

Recovered from dengue fever, discharged from hospital. Argh... My mind is filled with doubts again. Does he still have feelings for me? I wish I have a definite answer for it though... He told me that he's going migrate to Russia with his real parents. It's good, a new start. Hmmm... honestly, I did sob a little but begging people ain't my style. If this is his decision, I should support him. Although it's going to be far away, I had no intention in begging him to stay or don't leave me, I'm hoping that he won't go deep in my heart... Why? Maybe it's because I'm confused again. I don't know whether are we still together or not... To me, yes, my heart is still with him. On his side... I really had no idea about it =/ I don't know how to ask, what to start the topic either. I don't have the patience to wait for an answer, yet, I don't have the nerve to ask him... Ahh, what a failure I am... =/

Confused soul

Enjoyable Day

Today is the day, I'm treating someone lunch + movie for the first time in my life! Of course, it's him! =) He wake me up at 9.00 AM, that is half an hour earlier than I expected because he's afraid that I might be late. Yet, I reached there almost 11.00 AM! This is because I wasted 15 minutes of checking FaceBook, 30 minutes on bath, 30 minutes on applying lotion and choose clothings, AND 10 minutes on eating bread! I walked as fast as possible (on heels) to the bus stop because it was already 10.30 AM!
After we met at somewhere near entrance, we went for a long queue to buy movie ticket. We planned to watch "Knight and Day", starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. After that I went to buy a new wallet for myself because the old one is damaged. It costs RM24! And it's pink! xP
Next, we go for lunch at McDonald's. I'm loyal to my Fillet-O-Fish and he's loyal to his Double Cheeseburger ;) Talked a lot of crap while eating. Hahas =P After eating, we did some window shopping because there's 1 hour left before movie starts. I didn't really expect that he noticed something about my leg? Then, started to ask me what happen to my leg, why keep finding seats to rest. My skin allergy won't cause my leg to rest more, it's the HEELS! I've not been wearing heels for months already... That's why I'm suffering to adapt with it.
So, we entered the cinema hall and waiting the movie to start. That movie was AWESOME! Tom Cruise was so handsome and Cameron Diaz was just simply irresistible (although she looked quite old compared to "Charlie's Angels" movie). Started to fell in love with Tom Cruise after watching that movie =P because I've never watched his previous movies. That movie has a couple of kissing scenes and makes me felt awkward because I'm actually watching it with a GUY! -.-!
We went to buy sushi at Jusco after movie. It's my first time buying sushi at Jusco >.< because I promised my junior a sushi treat. He also bought chocolates for Qi. And he asked me, do I feel jealous about it? I felt kinda weird and don't know how to answer his question as I didn't expect him to ask such question... Hmmm, honestly, I felt like kinda little bit immune to it already. I mean, why must I need to feel jealous all the time just by hearing her name? Buying her chocolates is not a big deal right, he's just helping her to buy it only. Maybe there's a little jealousy in me, but not as strong as compared to last time. Isn't it great to hear that? =) There's a little improvement in me I guess? Haha. Jealous is not a bad thing, because it is a sign of loving that person. But too jealous is not good, it might lead to stupid/bad/evil acts.
So, I spent almost my whole Sunday with him and I felt happy too =) And by the way, managed to find Hui En at Mid Valley's >.< At least get the chance to show her which one is him. Hahas ^^

When will be our next movie/outing? Haha =)

True Love Waits

I've been so depressed and couldn't concentrate in class nowadays... I felt so tired of questioning myself and I needed an answer... At last I decided to call him and hope that able to remove the dark fog in my mind. At first, I was a bit frustrated when talking to him. He's not even in a serious mood to answer my questions, such as "Are you still serious with our relationship?" and "Why are you talking and SMS-ing me sarcastic words?". He questioned me back, "What if I'm not serious with this relationship? What will u do?" I answered him, "If you are not serious about it, please do tell, I don't want to waste my time on worrying u, calling n SMS-ing you everyday." He said, "You mean like a breakup?". And, yes I said. After he mentioned about "breakup" that word, I can felt that there's hesitation in his words. (This is what I felt from you, if I'm wrong, please tell me.)
Actually I was hoping that he willing to continue this relationship, maybe try to repair the flaws in our relationship. He said he's facing family complications, as he puts his family first, instead of me. I totally understand that statement. There's nothing more important as family members are always first.
As a conclusion about this issue, what I can do now is hope and pray. After I had discussed with him, there's something came across to my mind that someone told me before: "No matter how long you need to wait for that person you really love, it wouldn't be a great obstacle as true love waits."

Think wisely and take your time to settle with your family problem, I willing to wait for you unless one day you betray me or you do not need me anymore